Where did you get a picture of my penis
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
