why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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