Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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