ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
