Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
