You smell like a Billy Joel song
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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