I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
