they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
