We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
