What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
