actually, I'm a sock model
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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