is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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