Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
