P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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