did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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