I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
