I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
