i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
