Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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