all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Sober January is a disaster.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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