Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
