There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
