the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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