So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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