I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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