oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
