She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
They are going to name an STD after you.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
