I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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