Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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