ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I supernannyed him into submission
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize