The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
