My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
