So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize