Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
