so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
