Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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