I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I understand Curling. That high.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My life is pants optional.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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