just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
