Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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