If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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