I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
