I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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