you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
