It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
