My liver just broke up with me...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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