If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
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I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
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On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.