if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
