I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize