I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We're too hungover to prance.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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