Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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