When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
