$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
