Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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