I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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