Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
