im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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