So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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