Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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