sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
