Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Couch. On fire.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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