Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
