it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
