My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The struggles of a small town man whore
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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