it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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