3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
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no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
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Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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