Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
