I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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