so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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