I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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