Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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