Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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